A dark mind
by hades627
Summary: This is about a Altmer upbringing, his decline into the world he had been taught was right and the finding of the truth behind that upbringing. Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments thank you for taking the time to read


I arrived at the estate around down on the top of my head the around me on guard noon, the sun beating to make sure I was safe. This was the first memory I can remember the estate came into view my face brightened and I spurred the horse I rode ahead of my guards and sprinted into the courtyard. Was greeted by my grandfather I hopped from my horse and ran towards him "LOK LOK!" I yelled as he picked me up and spun me, "Finny my boy" he said back as he sat me down and told the soldier my father had sent with us to leave and come back at the end of the summer. They reluctantly did as they had been ordered but I was just happy to be able to be here in the place I dreamed of all winter is here my sanctuary away from the publicity of the Thalmor party and my father attempting to turn into what he called the perfection of the Altmer, the perfect Thalmor and to make sure I held the true value of our race the values that were our future the history of our past, present, and future. But what if I did not want to be these things? What if I wanted to be different? But I had no choice with my father he would sooner disown me than allow that. Here though with my grandfather I could make my own choices I may have been young but I knew more than most children. My grandfather brough into his home and sat me down in his study as he began working. "How has your studies been going Finny?" he asked me and I responded with "good Lok Lok I really like the tutor you sent to teach me, he is very entertaining and has taught me much of our history and culture and great literacy" I smiled telling him this as his face had a smile cross "I am glad you like him" he said then looked up from his paperwork "has your father been trying to making learn things you do not want to?" he asked this with a serious face and grim expression "he-he has been teaching me about the Thalmor and how they are the future of our people that without them there is no point in maintaining life that they saved us from downfall" I responded "I will speak to him when I talk to him again finny, I promise he wont speak to you about this anymore" he said and looked at me with a smile "are you ready for our favorite meal?" he asked . I looked at him excitedly and smiled and nodded my head many times overand jumping to m,y feet to follow after him to the dining room where we sat and the servants served my favorite meal of goat stew and bread a ritual we had made over my five short years of coming here during the summer is what we always ate on the first day of being here.

As we ate we talked and laughed I enjoyed being able to connect with him my grandfather was a truly my mentor, my role model, and my favorite person on Nirn. Now after we finished eating he brought me to my bedroom in his arms carrying me since I was tired and he read me a book I loved as I slowly drifted to sleep about a elven hero who unified tameriel through peace instead of war and brought peace to man and mer. It had always been my favorite story since I was but a baby and I loved it especially when he read it. He believed in this book you could tell by the way he read it. He wanted this to be true so badly, he wanted war to end and for the races of men and mer to live together in unity. I slowly drifted off to sleep to the sound of his soft voice reading the story to me the late night air and my eyelids drifting shut as I rolled over and pulled the covers over myself and drifting deeply into a sound peaceful sleep.

I was woken up by the sun shining in my eyes through the windows and the birds chirping outside and a woman standing in the doorway "Master Findril it is time to wake up, Master Lokil has requested you in the courtyard to begin your first day of magic training." She said and I instantly jumped out of bed and ran to the door where her hand stopped me "Master Findril you must change into your training clothes

not your sleeping wear" she said closing the door giving me privacy to change into my clothes . After changing I quickly ran out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the home into the courtyard where my grandfather was waiting for me. "Finny, do you know what today is ?" he asked and smiled at me as he signaled me over to him and squatted so he could look me in the eyes "this is the day you finally learn what it means to wield the arcane world in your hands to cast a spell and control the very essence of your magicka into a force in the physical world. He smiled as he showed me where to hold my hands in order to properly cast the spell "Close your eyes and focus only on one thing and only one thing bringing your magicka to your fingertips" he said and I closed my eyes and focused but nothing happened "i-I can't Lok Lok"I said and looked at the ground deafeated. He put his hand under my chin and raised my eyes to meet his "you can do it you have to keep trying practice makes perfect Finny" he said and smiled at me, so I tried again as hard as I could and a sparks sprang in my hand only a little but it inspired me to keep trying "I DID IT, I DID IT LOK LOK!" I yelled as I jumped up and down with joy and victory at my achievement and he simply looked me smiling "I told if you keep trying you can do it and you will be able to make it into something so much more one day. I kept trying for the res tof the day and got better little by little with his guidance and I

long hours two things were constant my strength in my body weakening, along with the the I learned little by little how to control the flow of my magic, it got better and better as I practiced for those encouragement and motivation he gave to me throughout the days of hard training the days went by quickly as my young body become stronger. The magicka began to flow more easily as my potential came into view many times I heard him speaking to himself "he truly is amazing Livi" he would say talking to my deceased grandmother. It was nearly two months before I was able to muster up enough magicka to finally ignite what I wanted but it just sparked and fizzled out a little flame in my hands that lasted no longer than a second but again this little irrelevant piece of magic brough me a unbelievable sense of joy and happiness to see that it had brought a smile to my Lok Lok's face just made it that much more amazing for me. Now though I was even more ready to advance myself to be able to cast a full spell, he made it possible for me to unlock my talent but it was my job to reach out and take it, to keep myself and my family a proud Altmer respectable the question was would I be my grandfathers legacy or my fathers, to want to bring peace to the races and unity or to help the Thalmor control all of Nirn and to be the man one day my father wanted me to be the perfect Altmer male. Even as a boy I sometimes wondered if my father loved me or if he loved the possibility of me being his dream child, I might not have known the known the answer at that time but I believe he would in time show me exactly how much he cared about me. I just knew my father had to love me, he was my father after all fathers love their children so this was my belief I out in my head but at this moment in time the only thought in my head was being able to perform this spell for my grandfather and my dad to make them both proud of me for once I would not have to choose who to make proud but finally have them both proud of me for once. I foused as much willpower as I possibly could in my little body and put all my strength into but it was not enough I simply collapsed due to the massive amount of energy trying to do it had taken out of me I sat up and cried in anger and disappointement at myself, "I am sorry Lok Lok I cannot do it I am a failure" I said through the pitiful sobs. "Do not ever say that finny you are not a failure you will get it eventually and iw will be prouder for it then because of how hard you work for it, now come lets go get something sweet to eat huh?" he said nudging my shoulder as he helped me up and sadly nodded my head in response. We went to the kitchen where the chief prepared sweet rolls and milk for us to eat and this made me happy he always knew how to make happy whenever I was down. I munched on a sweet roll happily as I began to think this was my happy place what if next time I tried I thought of this moment here with my Grandfather eating sweet rolls together laughing at his jokes about the naughty Khajiit sailor and the sweet roll of just maybe that is all I needed to do in order to achieve my goal is fine the place where I can be happy and let the energy perhaps that is what my grandfather had meant by focus on only one thing, tomorrow I will try this techinique and I will not give up until I can do this for my Lok Lok.

The next morning I woke up my entire body was sore from the hours spent in the courtyard. using so much energy but I still got up and quickly made way to the courtyard the sun had just come up the air was thick and cool relaxing as though I was th soul who was up at this time in the morning and I sat down and closed my eyes as I began to think about the happy place concentrating on putting all my focus on the sweet savory sweet roll, the smell of my granfather near me and then focus on moving the feeling to my hand the power came to me and I could feel the tingling and the energy was there but nothing happen I let it go and tried again I repeated again and again until dusk when I heard my granfathers swift nimble soft footsteps approaching "It is time to take a break Finny" he said and looked me in the eyes "but Lok Lok I almost have please one more try" I said looking up at him woth the sad face he had never been able to refuse. "fine one last try but then it is time for dinner" he said as he sat next to me and put his hands on my arm extended it away form myself and said "when you feel the tingling in your hand realease all the energy into the hand and you will have it finny" he said and I let the feeling go to my hand once again as I had all day the sun sinking behind the sky to be replaced by the two moons. As it reached my hand and settled I let all of the energy go and seemingly out of no where a small red flame appeared in my hand the small flame casting shadows on our faces I smiled happily just staring at the little flame my flame and then looked at my granfather who seemed just as happy as I was if not more. The flame just sat there and we watched it we smiled and finally he broke the silence "I told you you could do it Finny I never gave up on you and look there is the proof that you can do anything with enough hard work" the flame died away and I hugged burying my face into his chest "Thank you so much Lok Lok, you are the best grandad I could ever ask for please never leave me" I said to him and kept my tight grip round him. He smiled and simply said "finny we must all leave Nirn one day but I will never leave you wholly" he smiled hugging me back and then picked me up now it is time for dinner and no arguments will be heard this time

understood?" he asked me and I responded with "Yes Lok Lok" and walked behind him back to the house it was still hot outside from the summer weather of Alinor but he enjoyed it he hated the winter, the cold made me miserable. The winter was never a season I liked , it was one of the worse times of years the cold was the worse part. As we walked into the home he smiled as he handed me something a small golden ring " I gave something like this to your father when he was your age." He said tome as we walked to the dining room and I ate the dinner the night felt different as though the Divines themselves had made sadness creep into the house then I realized that this was the day my Grandmother had been killed by the daedra so many years ago and you could tell Lok Lok still remembered it as though it was yesterday. As we ate in silence I looked at him and I got up and walked to the man I looked up to he always made me smile when I was sad now it was my turn to help him. I walked up to him and simply hugged him tightly around his waist and rested my head upon his shoulder "I love you Lok Lok" I said and before I realied it I felt him hug me back and something splash upon my neck as I continued to hug him I soon drifted off in my Grandfathers embrace hoping that this simple act was enough help him. I hoped so, but for now I must settle for the simple opinion of having to think it did because he would never let me know he was truly sad. That was just his way, the way of my family was to not show emotion we were Altmer we had to show dignity even if it meant hiding our feelings. It was about honor. So I slept and when I awoke the birds were chirping outside the window and the servants had began their daily routine. As did I I trained with my magic again just as I did the first day except today Lok Lok was in the city and I trained until nightfall when Lothingir my grandfather steward had me sent to the bedroom because it was late. I fell fast asleep.

our family" H esaid with a sadistic tone to his voice and he simply looked at me " Do not cry you are Altmer we do not let tears run down are faces like the mortals do, we are descended from the Aedra, we are gods" he said as he opened the doot and the sight that was shown to me shocked me as I looked into the building. I saw my grandfather chained his arms fully extended, he was on his knees his face covered in blood and his face bruised and swollen obviousl after being beaten. "LOK LOK!" I yelled and tried to run to him but the Thalmor soldier grabbed my shoulders hold me bacvk and my father turned and brough a hard open hand across my face "You will not ever show that man love again he is not worthy of this family" he said as I began to cry my eyes watered as I looked at the man I had come to adore and now he sat there beaten and defeated and I was powerless to help him. I looked on in deafeat as my father took out a dagger and cut my grandfathers ear off. I tried looking away but the soldiers forced my head to llok in the direction of it, when I tried closing my eyes the would slap me and force me to watch the atrocious scene unfolding before me as my father continued you to cut this yime he cut the man fingertip off and threw it blood went every where and I cried again as my granddad open his eyes and looked me a tear buiding up in his eyes and running down his father clearing a area where dried blood had been. My father finally stopped after many more minutes of forcing me to watch this as I watched my grandad's head slink but his chest still rose and sank slowly weakly and my father walked over to me and dragged me close to the man. "You will finish him and show me, you are a true man Findril" He said as he handed me the blood covered dagger and I looked at my grandfather who looked back into my eyes and smiled "Finny, I will always love ti but please do this,I do not wish you to be hurt" he said and I cried as gripped the dagger but could not force myself to do it then looked at my grandad again and he stopped smiling "Findril do for the eight sake, do it!" he yelled and like a good son and grandson, I obeyed my fasther and grandfather and sank the dagger deep into his chest, he instantly stopped moving the breaths stopped but one final tear ran down his cheek and I fell to my knees. "Good boy Findril" I heard my father say before I began to vomit. My throat burned and I cried as I laid in the flor and looked at what I had done. I could not help but give up and finally I passed put for reason unknown but I was and still am grateful for it.


End file.
